Mondays suck

Well it is Monday and I am starting to hate waking up so early just to go to class. I still have thoughts of why I am still here. I should be dead. I should be laid up still in the hospital. I have a question that is haunting me, What is the reason for me to still be around ? Nobody seems to know and I can not find an answer in a book. This so whacked and it is bothering me that I have to live with the memories as they start to flow back in.

Yeah I am starting to realize that I have majorly screwed up. I have no idea what is missing in the brain nor do I have any idea what I lost. I have found out that math is harder for me to complete. I just do not under stand nor can I contain it for a long period. t

So what am I to do? I have no idea what is my plan of life nor the purpose of me being here. That bothers me greatly. I should have not survived the last attemp and what is to keep me from another attemp? I really have no reason. School is not the answer, I am realizing. So what to do now? I will have to think of something. I have to make life have purpose, I need that feeling.

Well enough for now. I can no longer talk about it with out the wonder and thinking of how to do it. Maybe there is a site for how to do it and all I need is to find it? I better stop this I am scaring myself.
TTFN